10 Ways to be Happy in Marriage

Everyone has their tricks to maintaining a happy and successful marriage. The Seattle Times offers a list of 10 things you can do to be happy in marriage. Here are a couple fo highlights:

1. Talk about the important stuff. Most couples spend more time planning a vacation than they do planning for their relationship. Create a relationship vision by asking: "If we could have it exactly like we want, how would it be?"

2. Listen to the heart more than you listen to the words. Focusing on the words can lead to endless and meaningless debate: "No, that did not happen on Tuesday, it happened on Monday!"

3. Don't be a Darren Stevens. In the old sitcom "Bewitched," Samantha merely had to wiggle her nose to make incredible things happen. Darren was always trying to get her to stop using her magical powers.

Even as a little kid, I thought the guy was nuts. He could have had anything he wanted. Instead he tried to get Sam to stifle her gifts. Encourage your partner in her gifts.

4. Don't assume that just because you are married, you know how to be married. Pay attention to what works for other couples. Read all you can. Go to seminars. Find a coach. It's a lot less expensive than divorce, financially and emotionally.

We especially agree with that last item, which is why we exist. Tell your friends if they're looking for some good reading material, we're here to help.

Sex Patch for Women Doesn't Work

Procter & Gamble has created a patch called Intrinsa that increases testosterone levels in women. The patches were denied use in the U.S. back in 2004, but have been used in London. A review released on Tuesday found that the patches appear to not do much to boost a woman's sex drive after menopause and their long-term safety is unclear. The trials were conducted on 4,000 women and only lasted for six months, which is why long-term effects are still unknown. Some women did report small improvements in their sex drive, but so did others who were recieving a placebo. I guess to boost the sex drive it's back to Marvin Gaye. Click here to read the complete article.

Dr. Haltzman Talks Pros of Marriage

Click here to watch Dr. Scott Haltzman discuss with his local news team the benefits of being in a healthy marriage. Dr. Haltzman highlights many good points such as the fact that men live longer (on average up to 10 years longer, women 4 years), stay slimmer, decreased risk of heart disease, stroke, or high blood pressure, less hospital time, less nursing home time, and less alcoholism. But to get all these benefits, you need to sustain a happy marriage, which Dr. Haltzman says means thinking about what will make your partner happy and fight fair without finger pointing.

This is terrific publicity of what a healthy marriage can do, but is ruined by the hack journalist who needs to add his own commentary to the story once the clip is done playing. It's these types of comments that undercut the work done by professionals such as Dr. Haltzman and stain the attitudes of the community this "journalist" is supposed to be serving.

Beauty Really is in the Eye of the Beholder

New research shows that men process beauty on the right side of their brains, while women use their whole brain to do the job. Furthermore, when women consider a visual object they link it to language while men concentrate on the spatial aspects of the object. What's interesting is that while beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder, and beauty is processed differently based on gender, researchers who published these new findings say gender has nothing to do with what people find beautiful. While they're not sure, they conclude people may find beauty in different things based on age, education or some other factor. To read the entire article, click here.

The Modern Marriage

Barack Obama has become not just the symbol of hope for the country, but it seems also for the institution of marriage. Newsweek offered an essay a few weeks back identifying Barack and Michelle's union (married at age 28 and 31) as the new model marriage. A union that reflects marriage statistics--men and women are waiting longer to get married, first establishing their personal and professional identities--and one of equality and respect. The essay highlights the fact that until recently, Michelle's resume was more impressive and his (mayoral assistant, nonprofit exec, hospital veep) earning her a six-figure salary. And while she has stepped down (for the time being) from her professional career, their union remains on equal footing. The article highlights an incident where Barack called home to crow his Senate victory and Michelle responded by asking him to run errands on the way home. So why all the hype?

Most millennials have yet to experience marriage firsthand, and what they've experienced by proxy hasn't been particularly encouraging: a 50 percent divorce rate, a steep rise in single parenthood, a culture captivated by cheap celebrity hookups. Even America's most visible household hasn't offered much hope, veering from '50s-era subservience (the Reagans) to boomer dysfunction (the Clintons). But now the Obamas—two independent individuals who also appear to be (surprise!) in love—have filled the void. For young people who have rejected the tired "wife in the kitchen" template but resolved not to follow their parents to divorce court, it's a relief to see that the sort of marriage they hope to have—equal and devoted—can actually exist.

Of course, reflecting on past generations doesn't mean that their marriage models didn't work or weren't as fullfilling, and many of them reflect the same kind of union as Barack and Michelle's. But there's clearly been disfunction as of late considering the high divorce rate and this is a chemistry young people have never seen in the White House. This doesn't mean that it's always, "happily ever after" either. In a recent People magazine interview, Michelle acknowledges, "we have a strong marriage, but it's not perfect." While perhaps not perfect, the new first couple is quickly becoming the aspirations of domestic equality, stability and bliss.

Last Chance Marriage Therapy

ABC News video taped a couple, Kathryn and Heath (last names withheld), who are making a last ditch effort in a crash 5-hour marriage therapy session to see if their marriage can be saved. Their seems to be two big problems, his infidelity and her out of control kids from a previous marriage. This couple has bravely allowed their session to be taped and viewed. You can view clips of the first half of their session by clicking here. Just from the picture to the right, and making an assessment from their body language, you can see that this couple has a long way to go.

Money Rules for Marriage

Money issues are one of the leading causes of divorce in the country. With money issues crippling the country right now, it's a good time to review the following rules from The Motley Fool. For starters, they say you have to "have the talk." To break the ice they recommend asking, "If you had $50 to burn, what would you spend it on?" Then go into the more difficult financial questions. Another rule is to not ignore financial issues with your ex (if you're remarried). If you had a joint credit card, make sure it's taken care of. With your current spouse, they recommend not feeding each other's bad habits. Who's going to be the party pooper when you both want to purchase a new car, but know that it's not a smart financial decision for you at the moment.

It's not all negative talk on money. There are many benefits to being a financial duo. You can save on insurance, get banking deals and more. They also recommend that you get your future financial plan in order. Discuss your goals (short and long term) and then talk about how you're going to get there.

Jerry Seinfeld To Save Marriages

Do you miss your Seinfeld time on TV? The wait for his return is almost over. NBC just announced that Jerry Seinfeld will return as the creator and executive producer of a new show called The Marriage Ref. According to the release, the show will feature "opinionated" celebrities, comedians and sports stars who will candidly comment, judge and offer different strategies for real-life couples in the midst of a classic marital dispute. Seinfeld dds, "This is not a therapy show, it's a comedy show. After nine years of marriage, I have discovered that the comedic potential of this subject is quite rich." Six one-hour episodes have been ordered for a planned fall release. Hopefully Seinfeld himself will make an appearance on camera, but there's no information of that yet. From somebody else this type of show could come off as cheap drivel, but in the hands of a comic legend, The Marriage Ref has big laugh potential.

Love After Layoff

When one spouse loses their job, it's not just a financial strain on the marriage, but also an emotional one. A British study released late last year by the Institute for Social and Economic Research at the University of Essex found that couples who experience job loss are more likely to divorce within a year than their employed counterparts. This flies counter to other studies that have said the financial crunch slows divorces because people can't afford them--if nothing else. In this article from MSNBC, Nicholas Yrizarry, a financial planner from Reston, Va., says he sees two types of couples: the ones who are obsessed with money and material things and allow a layoff to destroy their marriage; and the ones who have a mature relationship and adversity only brings them closer. "They are the types that can live in a phone booth together and still be OK," he said.

This is a good reminder of what really matters in life. That doesn't mean that money troubles aren't real. Yrizarry offers the following steps couples should take:

1. Sit down "calmly" and discuss what your assets are.

2. Come up with a financial plan to deal with the loss of income and strategies to get a new job--or have a non-working spouse get a job. Assess your options for taking on temporary work or retraining if your skills are not marketable anymore.

3. Implement the plan.

On the emotional front, he recommends being respectful and supportive of each other and making sure not to play the "blame game." It's a time to be constructive and supportive, especially in troubled times.

What Kills Sex in a Marriage?

Two recent books address this issue, "The Sex-Starved Wife" by Michele Weiner Davis (which we excerpt here), and "He's Just Not Up for It Anymore," by Bob Berkowitz and Susan Yager-Berkowitz and the authors were interviewed by USA Today. Here's what they said:

Q: You surveyed more than 4,000 men and women online who identified themselves as currently or in the past being in a sexless marriage (sex 10 times a year or less). What findings surprised you the most?
Berkowitz: It shocked me that 68% of men said the reason for their slumping sex drive is that "she's not sexually adventurous enough." That's a lot of finger-pointing. So many used "not adventurous" as an excuse.

Yager-Berkowitz: A number of men in our survey said the wife had gained too much weight — 38% of men said she "gained a significant amount of weight." Also, it surprised me that 30% of men admitted they had ED (erectile dysfunction). Even 15 years ago, I don't think that would have happened. Now that there are some solutions and some hope, that's allowed a conversation to open up.

Q: You and Redbook magazine surveyed 1,004 women online about their husbands' low sexual desire; you say that low desire is often mistaken for erectile dysfunction. Why?

Weiner Davis: So many people in the general public think low sexual desire is synonymous with ED. He doesn't want sex because he can't have sex. There is some truth to that, in that ED can turn into a problem of low sexual desire, but it is vastly overrated as the only reason men turn off to sex. A man who has erectile dysfunction does not always have low sexual desire. In fact, he will only get low sexual desire if he can't find some effective way or means to remedy the situation because then it becomes an ordeal rather than pleasure. But if a man learns how to manage and overcome it, he might have very high sexual desire.

Click here to read the complete interview.